Begin Again

8 years ago, when I was pregnant with my first baby, in the midst of trying to process the new season of life that was inevitably moving closer, I started a blog. It was during the time when everyone had a blog, just people’s ramblings and inspirations about different things. That was when I started to realize my love for writing, documenting, and creating. I loved after I crafted a post that there was something that I could look back on. Lessons that I learned and wrote down, and often would find myself going back to read and remember.

Over the years, that blog had multiple different iterations and names, but it was always the same kind of thing. A little bit of ramblings, and a lot of lessons and history written down and recorded, more for me than anyone else. I’ll be honest, I was really proud of it. Not because of anything amazing that I had done because of it, but because it was something that I created from nothing, and had consistently tended to for years.

There were seasons where I wrote consistently (3x a week), and then seasons where I would just pop in when the inspiration hit — but there was always a place to land and write. It was a safe space for me that was always the same when I came back to it.

Well, one day it wasn’t. Long story (and boring story), but one day I came back to write after taking a long hiatus, and my blog was completely gone, wiped from the internet. I spent hours on the phone trying to recover the content. I spent time crying, and honestly grieving. So much work, time, and history was just gone. Also, my entire portfolio of writing was gone. My place to always come back to was gone.

I decided it wasn’t worth remaking, because I’d have to start all over again, and I didn’t want to be a blogger. I didn’t want a blog. I wanted my place back. The place that I grew up in over the years of early motherhood and most of my 20’s. So, I threw in the towel and decided that that piece of me was just gone and was a part of my past.

That happened about a year ago, and within the past few months I have felt such a nudging to write again. I haven’t written in over a year because I haven't had a place to put it. Not that I have to write so others will see it, but for almost a decade, all of my writings have lived in one place, so naturally I felt this block to write not knowing where it would go. So, this week I decided screw it. I am going to create a new place. I am going to begin again.

This is about me building something again that I once had, and creating a space for me to write, share, and create. Because ever since I lost my blog, I haven’t been doing much of any of that, and I can tell. I don’t like who I am without this part of me, so I am doing this for myself. For my ability to find that piece of me that showed up in the early mornings when I would wake up to write. I love that part of me, and she has been gone for far too long – so here is to finding her.